What lens are you looking through?

Life’s daily occurrences are all about context and perspective.

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gotten blinder. Literally. I have to wear glasses now to see the microwave clock and to drive. Most days I forget that I’m half blind and therefore, I probably don’t see as well as I should on the regular…. So here I am just running around not seeing things.

Lenses help us see clearer, sharper and more accurately. What lens are you looking through?

For me, it depends on the day. Aside from forgetting my actual glasses, some days my mental lenses are just not up to par and some days they clearer then ever. Does this happen to anyone else? I sure hope so.

I’m what you call classic overthinker. I struggle with a lot of anxiety and my personality thrives to chase the adrenalin rush. Likely the things that makes me growth minded, successful and a forward thinker are also often times my demise. I think that’s common for high achievers, at least that’s what my therapist says. It’s all on a spectrum most of the time, and I think to be your healthiest version of yourself you need to be very self aware and understand when your mental speedometer may be running a little too fast.

I often struggle with these moments after coming off a big weekend or a big event. Down time is not good for my mind. Normally the Monday after, I crash and then my mindset goes all out of wack. It’s really weird. Leading up to the big event I have such a clear and powerful mindset, I feel powerful and on top of the world– then I perform and enjoy the process– then it ends and I crash–then I recover and start the process all over again (see the above image for more reference).

Almost everyone I run into, who doesn’t know the deep down and dirty me me on a day to day basis is always telling me, “you just do it all! I don’t know how you do it!” Here’s my secret: I don’t people! It’s sometimes an absolute shit show here. Especially the days I’m in that crash/recovery mode. My mind can definitely get the best of me some times.

This constant process I live in, healthy or not, is particularly more interesting when you add kids and young horses into the mix. Now it’s not just you and your well being to manage it’s someone and something else’s too.

Below are some daily examples of the the thoughts that cross my mind:

“Am I a selfish mom because I have my own goals? Did I make sure Robin had her ulcer medicine on Sunday? She hit going into the turn, am I teaching her to shoulder? Did I pay the phone bill? Oh, I haven’t talked to her in almost a month. Something I said in our last conversation must have made her mad at me. I bet she’s mad at me. People just don’t get it.”

I am stealing this quote form Leslie Jordan’s new book, “How Ya Doing Ya’ll”, but in it he states, “My brain is like a bad neighborhood Ya’ll, you don’t want to go there alone!”

Amen Brother Leslie! Isn’t it weird that to the outside person I just seem totally on top of it and insert their quote of “doing it all”. Ha! Don’t I have them fooled.

So why am I telling you all my deepest and darkest crazy moments? Because I don’t want you to feel alone. I am sure if you are reading this, you’ve already nodded and raised your hands a few times. (I was raised Southern Baptist people, I’m literally picturing you doing this right now. So please don’t leave a girl hanging). Our processes, although people (even myself) are always saying, “enjoy the process” that same process we are supposed to “enjoy” can sometimes down right be intense and exhausting. Staying the course and not giving up can sometimes be the hardest thing to do. This is where perspective and context comes into play.

The two very important constants and stabilizers in all the chaos is perspective and context.

And we must never forget to evaluate them. It is the root of what will keep us sane.

con·text/ˈkäntekst/noun

the circumstances that form the setting for an event, statement, or idea, and in terms of which it can be fully understood and assessed.

per·spec·tive/pərˈspektiv/noun

a particular attitude toward or way of regarding something; a point of view

Example 1: My thought of “Am I a selfish mom because I have my own goals?”

Background: I think this because the world puts pressure on us to do it all. We put the pressure on ourselves. We are inadvertently made to feel guilty when we don’t put our “kids” first. It is not a healthy thought or behavior. I then control the unhealthy thought by telling myself:

Context/Perspective: “Who says that? And what do they have up there ass? I will not let the opinions of others keep me from living the life I want to set as an example for my sons. I want them to have a mother who teaches them to be goal oriented, set and crush goals and fight thru the hard. The best way to show them this is by doing it. I am actually not selfish because they are the root of my why”

Example 2: My thought of “Robin hit the barrel going into the turn Sunday, am I teaching her to shoulder?”

Background: After having a successful first round at the futurity, Robin and I biffed in it round two hitting the second barrel. Taking us out of any shot at the average and round two money.

Context/Perspective I tell myself: “It was day three of a small and tight pen. You cued her to turn one stride to soon and therefore placed her wrong. She doesn’t want to hit a barrel. In context, she wants to turn, and therefore for the future know that you have to keep her positioned correctly longer before allowing to turn. Work on leg pressure/rib cage pressure and building her confidence into running up into a wall.”

Being in your head sometimes is totally okay, and self reflection is a good thing. I think my point to this is that you have to be able to control the narrative from going down the never ending rabbit hole. You have to be able to take your thoughts and say, nope. This is the actual truth. Not the truth my anxiety and fear want to tell me.

Mindset is such a staple in the “success” process, but being able to take those thoughts, process them and work thru them is the real secret sauce. When your thought process starts to take you down a path you don’t want to go, ask yourself, what lens am I looking at this through?

And remember to put things into perspective and evaluate the context of it all. You are on your own journey. Own it.

And p.s. if you need glasses, put them on. Figuratively and literally!

#MentalHealth #MomLife #SelfCare #Perspective #Mindset

Until next time,

-H

Authenticity: It takes courage to be yourself in a world where you are constantly told you are not enough. Being yourself is the biggest gift you can offer yourself and others.

Be brave enough to show the world who you are with out an apology.

Ash Alves

Disclaimer: These are just some of the daily practices I do to help me. Anxiety and Mental health struggles are real and I am no professional. If you are struggling with depression, anxiety or thoughts you are unable to control please reach out to your healthcare professional. You are worth it.